One Year Anniversary

Today I celebrated my one year anniversary of being clean and sober from drugs. It was an interesting day of mixed feelings. I was happy, definitely happy that I had made it. I was sure that I would never make it this far. I was also full of humility, knowing that I did not make it this year on my own. The Lord helped me the most in those moments when I was alone, scared, hurting, full of anger, and on the edge of giving up. I had so much help from so many other people. Shari has been a huge help, from moments when I knew I need to reach out and I would text her and simply ask, tell me it's going to be okay, or tell me not to freak out. She would talk me through it. She was there to help me see things clearly when my emotions would get in the way. Laura helped by being my best friend, understanding what it was like when I wanted to get loaded so much, and sometimes talking through some of the times we were loaded were enough to make me not want it. My Bishop has been so understanding, listening to me cry every week about something I just didn't understand. He also helped with helping me to re-learn some of the gospel principles that I had forgotten over the years, some that I even never really understood at all. I was probably asking him some questions that primary children asked and understood. Yet, he has been so patient with me and has really helped me to understand these principles.
 I know with being in AA or in the LDS 12-Step Program they suggest you go to meetings everyday. I was able to attend 90 meeting in 90 days, but then when I got a job and moved out of Shari's house it was a lot harder to get to meetings. I also never got a full time sponsor, I relied upon my doctor, my bishop, Shari, Laura and some other close friends. I suggest that if you can make it to a meeting everyday that you do it. I suggest that if you don't have a sponsor that you get one as soon as possible, and to talk to that sponsor everyday. I think I caused myself a lot more pain and misery through this past year by NOT having a sponsor and by not going to meetings. I made it to a meeting at least once a month. It made me realize how important they are. And how much I should make more of an effort to go. Work the program, let it help you. Take the suggestions, they are there for a reason.
I still can't believe that a whole year has passed since I have used drugs. I try to wrap my head around it and still I am filled with such humility. I feel such a peace in my heart and so much gratitude for what the Lord has done for me not only in this last year, but in my whole life. I know that I am growing and progressing. I know that if I keep choosing the right and continuing on the path that I am. Listening to the still small voice in my heart that I will continue to grow closer to my Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ.

I want to take the opportunity to bear my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that I am a daughter of God and that He has a special plan for me. I know that I have a mission here on earth and that I will not only endure it but try with all my might to endure it well. It took a lot for me to get to this point and I am glad that I have learned from all my trials the things I have learned. I have learned perseverance, patience, humility, still learning faith. I have learned how to rely on others and how to give service to others. I have learned gratitude. Gratitude is a huge one, I have so much gratitude for SO many people in my life, if I could sit here and name them all it would take me an eternity. So many people from my past and from the present time have touched my life, have never given up on me. I think of them daily and they are in my prayers. Their prayers and their love that they have shown me, even if it was for a very short time have truly touched my my life and have made a difference. I don't know how to express the amount of gratitude that I have for them for all the people in my life that I know the Lord has put there. Thank you would never suffice, but Thank you is all that I can do on here. In my life I can help other people and do what I can to make someone else's' life better. I know that we have a living prophet here on earth to lead and help us to progress and make it back to the Lord. I know that the scriptures are true. I have read them and prayed for conformation of the truth of them. I believe with all my heart that we are all children of God and that He wants all of us to return to Him. I am so glad that I am member of The Church of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. It brings so much joy to my life and lets me know where I came from and where I am going. It gives me a purpose in everyday life. I want everyone I meet to know that they are loved and that they are someone special. Everyone should feel loved. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

My Hand in Photography....

This past weekend, the weather was beautiful and perfect for picture taking! Shari and I have been planning on taking her family pictures for a few weeks now and we decided that for her birthday we would do them. One day about two weeks ago I was riding the bus down by BYU and saw this beautiful like place that would be perfect for pictures. So Sunday was finally here and we got everyone ready and  headed out. It was so perfect out, overcast, not to sunny, not to windy. I was a little nervous, but excited because I have been wanting to take new pictures of the Browns for a while now. Well, I got them narrowed down and edited and wanted to share them on here. I am pretty happy with the way they came out, and a little proud of how well I think I did.(not to be boastful or anything, but I am kind of new at doing this by myself!) So here are some of them. til next time...me

New Camera...

I got a new camera with my tax return money. I love the new camera. It is the same brand and style as the camera I had before. It's a Panasonic Lumix. The one I had before died when it took a swim in the ocean...I won't say who it swam with...so we will just leave it at that....


Anyway, I have been having a lot of fun taking pictures and editing them. It has become something that I do during the mornings before I go to work and on the weekends. I didn't want this post to be to lengthy in words so I am just going to add some photos that I have done. 




Most of these I have taken at Shari's house. I like using the Macro feature
on the camera. I am playing with more of the features and learning more editing techniques on Picasa and Picnic. As soon as the weather starts to get warmer I have some ideas of some pictures that I want to take of the Brown's, Hopefully we can do some spring pictures soon.

 I wish that cameras could capture the scent of some
of these flowers. The are so fragrant. I love the colors and the shape of them. The remind me of colored stars that have fallen to the ground and then sprung up out of the ground. I love these so much. I know I am not that great, but I am practicing to get better at composition and editing. I try to do as little editing as I can get away with. I hope to get soon pictures of daffodils before they wither away. I love daffodils!! Plus there are some beautiful trees that are blooming here in Utah that just take my breath away. I love spring time!

This last picture I took while I was in Arizona while visiting my family. I absolutely love Arizona sunsets. There are so many colors and the patterns they create are just so beautiful. I enhanced the color a bit on this one because it was quite dark when I took it, but I love the spectrum of colors. It reminds me of my childhood, when it would get this dark out it would be time to go home, and we were always out to see the beautiful sunsets. Hope you enjoy. Til next time...me

My New Mode Of Transportation....

So I have been wanting to get a bike for sometime now. I don't live that far from my work, 1.9 miles, and with the cost of the bus pass going up and having people give me rides at 11:00 pm, I would rather be able to transport myself. Plus, I can't afford a car right now. So with the warmer weather coming up (soon I hope!!) I bought a bike. I love it. I haven't owned a bike since about '06 or '07. I have to get used to riding it again, and work my way up to being able to make it the 1.9 miles.

I did go out on Sunday for a little ride and made it 1.5 miles, but there was NO way I was going to make it back...I just about died! I am so outta shape(DUH!!)! I called a lady in my ward and she found someone in the ward that had a truck who came and rescued me out of the rain! I think for now I am going to ride to the bus stop and catch the bus to work and then I can ride home. Riding home will be easier, it's mostly downhill, and I don't have to worry about how long it will take me to get there!

I decided to name my bike Bob. I named him after Trainer Bob from The Biggest Loser. I don't watch much TV and I haven't watch many seasons of The Biggest Loser, but I like Bob and it seems like a good name for a bike. I am not sure what the "Hybrid" really means for a bike. Really, even with the explanation...oh well. It also has a bell on it and I love it! Shari went with me to buy it and she pointed the bell out to me. I bought a basket and put it on. I love it! I bought a lock and an air-pump. I am excited to start using it. Til next time...me

I Can't, He Can, Let Him...

"Just remember when times are frustrating and tough that you are strong enough to make it through it, that the Lord is testing you and showing you how strong you are"~~ Makenzie

"I need to remember that more often...maybe if I remember it more, He wouldn't feel the need to remind me as often!!"~~Brenda

This was part of a little conversation that Makenzie and I had just recently at work. I was having a bad day. I didn't feel well, with a migraine and vomiting. I was just complaining to her and she listened like a champ! What she said inspired this blog post. I made me think of all the trials I have been through and how strong the Lord is making me. It also made me wonder if I was getting everything I could out of all the trials. If I was learning all the lessons the Lord wants to teach me. If I was not only enduring these trials, but enduring them well. 

I stopped smoking weed 11 months ago. I know a lot of you may be hearing this for the first time, and others may already know this. Sorry if I have disappointed you in anyway. I have been working very hard to get back to this point in my life. In the 11 months since I have quit, I believe, no, I KNOW, that I have made leaps and bounds to get to this point. 

In the beginning, days, hours, minutes, even seconds were hard, many of them I was unsure that I would ever get through them. I had, and still have a great support system. I quit shortly after Laura left for Oregon. I stayed with Shari for a few months. Those days neither of us knew what to expect. When I passed 30 days, I was shocked. I didn't think it was possible...then came 60 days and then 90 days! Wow, I was making pretty good progress. As I said I was living with Shari and I had felt like a burden, even though Shari told me I wasn't, it was my own feelings and concerns. I was working with my doctor and with a counselor and ended up staying in the psych ward at the hospital for about 13 days. After I got out, Shari and I made a plan that I needed to find a job and a place within 2 weeks. I had no other option. I know that I needed to do this. So I got on it, and I found this job and a place to live so quickly that I knew it was the work of the Lord. Going to my new ward, this was confirmed. My bishop works in a drug rehab facility, he knew exactly what I needed and how to help me. Also, my new job confirmed that the Lord has His hand in my life. The job was something that I loved and something that I was looking for. I love data entry and that is exactly what I was doing. It was so nice. It also worked out somehow that I was able to go with Gerrad to take Jorden and Kayla back to Arizona. I was able to see the my family before I got settled in a job and started working/living. 


I worked with my bishop on the repentance process, making sure that I attended church every week, paid my tithing, etc. I wanted to learn about the simple principles of the gospel, because I felt that living the way I had been before, I had forgotten a lot. I worked on understanding faith, repentance, forgiveness, and baptismal covenants. My bishop has given me great council and has been very patient with me. We have had many conversations about the Lord and His love for me. He has given me many priesthood blessings that have helped lift my spirits and given me the strength to continue on.  I finally got to 6 months sober and was able to return to the Temple to do baptisms for the dead. The first time I went was on Dec. 7, 2010. I was able to do family names. I did my grandmother, great- grandmother and other women on my fathers side and a couple women from my mom's side. It was an incredible experience. I went with my friend Shari. It was so peaceful. When they read my grandmothers name and dunked me I came up and I could feel her give me a hug. I knew she had been waiting. When they read my great-grandmothers name and dunked me I could see her smile and just shake her head and shake her finger saying my dad's name. It's a funny, inside family story, and you know I wouldn't have expected anything else from her. It was very touching. Knowing all I had been through and how hard I had worked to get to that point, even though I had done baptisms in the past when I was a teenager and when I was active before, this one was special. I had a connection with these people. I am thankful for that opportunity to help them to make those covenants that they were unable to do here on earth. Til next time...me