Today I have finally got the "Christmas Spirit" bug!! I knew it was that time of the year for cheer, and Santa, snowmen, lights, caroling and all that stuff that comes with it....just didn't really feel it...well tonight I found it...it is HERE!!
Sitting here laughing at Laura and Tiffany making a huge mess with their candy making...it is SO fun and I am loving it...just observing and commenting every once in a while...it is great...so I put on some music and it was to "down" for the mood of the night...so I got all my *NSYNC music out...Home For Christmas to be exact...as the first notes of "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" played, I was filled with the joy and happiness of Christmases of the past....ah the memories...
Since moving to Utah, there has been snow and lots of family and friends...starting to feel like the holidays. Thanksgiving I spent with Laura, Mike, Tiffany, Kloey, Max, Jorden, Kayla and some of Mike's friends. It was a fun day...lots of yummy food, laughing and good times.
I have also been able to spend a lot of time with the Browns. The Browns are a special family to me. Shari was my Young Woman leader when I was 13. I babysat her kids when they were so little, Garrek was 1 1/2, Ailli was 10 months. I loved them from the beginning. Jenna came along a couple years later and then Maika and Neleh. I had moved away by the time Maika and Neleh came along, but always stayed in touch with Shari. I have been able to spend SO much time over at their house in the last few weeks. I have been loving every minute of it...I just grin and think how lucky I am to be here with them. The other night we were hanging out, with all that girls, watching tv and the girls were all on Shari's bed...all four lined up...so cute...I was almost in tears with so much happiness. I love being able to help Shari with dinner or cleaning or taking her kids around. I am pretty sure that they are the reason that I was supposed to be here in Utah when we moved here. Being with them fills my heart with so much joy and so much love. I feel closer than ever to them and am so thankful for them in my life. I am thankful that they let me come over and spend so much time with them. They are pretty amazing.
I have been feeling so very happy! These are just some things/people that make me happy...I am surprised with all that has gone on in the last few months, with so many transitions and little upsets. I am surprised how at the end of the day, sometimes in the middle of the afternoon...anytime I will realize how happy I really am. I think it is because I have amazing friends, an amazing family and so many moments that I am truly grateful for. Here are some of them...
Jake Walden...need I say more? Really, this man has brought some amazing moments and blessings into my life. I never thought it was possible to find someone that knows and understands me more than myself at times. Some one who has not known me my whole life, yet knows me and believes in me. I am truly blessed!
This is Kloey. This girl is a firecracker. She says the cutest things and you never really know what is going to come out of her mouth. She sings and dances so wonderfully. She is a princess and my favorite thing she says is:
Me: "How does Sleeping Beauty wake up?"
Kloey: "When her prince gives her true loves first kiss." So stinkin cute! I love when she calls me Aunt B and when someone says Brenda, she will correct them and tell them my name is Aunt B!! I love you Kloey!!
Maximus! Oh my goodness I LOVE my nephew Max! He just melts my heart the second I hear his little voice, and those eyes just get right to my heart. He has the cutest cheeks ever! Little Max is something else. I love the kid so much. Everytime I see him, his little face lights up and he gets the biggest smile! I know this kid loves me...some of my favorite times with him is just as he is falling asleep and he will reach up and put his hand on my cheek...I fall in love every time! I love you Max!!
Jorden and Kayla...living back in Utah I have the opportunity to hang out with Jorden and Kayla a lot. I love being able to pick up the kids on the weekends and just spend time together. I have missed these kids so much. Jorden is now 10 and is becoming a young man. As much as I would love him to stay the sweet, innocent, little boy that has captured my heart, it is so good to see him growing and becoming a young man. Kayla is 8 and she is still the sassy little girl she has always been. She is becoming a beautiful little lady and I am so happy that I can spend time with her. I love these kids so much and I love being able to see them more often. I look back to when they were babies and remember thinking, what are they going to be like in 10 years...now I know! Time sure has flown by!!
Laura, my bestie, the one in this world that stands by me through it all. No matter what, we seem to always get back to a place where we have fun and just want to laugh. We have some of the greatest conversations still, and we are always learning and growing. Laura teaches me alot about myself and who I am. She helps me to better myself. I love being around Laura and I am glad that she still puts up with me, even when I don't deserve her.
The Browns...wow...how do I say how much I am thankful for the Browns in my life, and how happy they make me each day. Shari (the mom) and I go back quite a few years. I started babysitting when the two oldest were just toddlers. Oh those days were so fun, filled with playing outside, playing games inside and watching Aladdin. G loved to watch that movie so much! I loved being over there, sometimes even when I wasn't babysitting. After a few years the family grew and soon had 5 kids total. Here they are now. I love these kids. They all have really good heads on their shoulders. They have been through a lot in their young lives, but they have been so amazing and have adapted to what life has been thrown at them. These kids have an amazing mom, who is one of the strongest ladies I know. Her faith is something else. I am amazed at how she continues to go and to be as strong as she is. She is an amazing example to me. I love how Laura and I can be over there for hours upon hours and how we can laugh. Many nights of laughter...side-ache, tear-inducing laughter.
So despite all the negativity and hardships we have today, most nights I can go to bed with a smile on my face knowing I am blessed. I don't know how I am so lucky to have these people be apart of my life. I am truly, truly blessed.
I have started this blog post many times...but it just hasn't felt right...the right words haven't come, the right feeling seems to be just beyond my grasp, yet I long to write, I crave the feelings and emotions to be written before my eyes, to solidify the truths, the strengths, the heartache, the laughter, the love and all that was in LA. Why is it so hard to write this...when I write it; it seems to break the spell of of blissfulness and joy that shined in my heart and life while in LA.
LA...what a weekend that was in LA. A night that went above and beyond anything I have ever experienced before. Jake Walden played his last show of the year at The Hotel Cafe in LA. What a spectacular show it was. People, fans of Jake, came from all over the world. From Hungry to Chicago, and New Jersey to Washington. It was such a special night for all involved. It is hard to put into words all that was felt for me. I was already emotional before I even saw Jake, before the hello's and before the hugs. Oh How I have missed those hugs! As like the many times before there is a feeling of comfort, peace and hope that fills my being whenever I am able to spend time with Jake. It was so so lovely to meet Katie! Katie is Jake's amazingly beautiful sister! She is so adorable and in so many ways like Jake, and in so many ways just as wonderful as Jake has told me she would be. I am so glad that she made the trip to LA.
I was especially happy that the show was at The Hotel Cafe. This is the one place that I have wanted to see Jake perform. Since the first time that I had heard of Jake, the Hotel Cafe has been a constant. It felt as if being there hearing and seeing Jake perform there was right, it was so right. They just go together. I had been looking forward to a time when I would see him up there on the stage and able to watch all the people that adore Jake, that look up to him, that "see" him for who he is and 'gets' him. I never thought that it would happen, but I saw it, I knew that it would happen. I wrote this the night of the performance..."Jake's performance tonight was so beautiful. He held so much emotion on his face that I don't think that there was a dry eye in the place. He of course sang some select few from the album, 'Alive and Screaming'(which is available on iTunes.) Bonnie Somerville came up on stage and sang 'Bleeding Love' with Jake. It was so breathtaking. Jake also sang two new songs...one for his beautiful sister Katie. The song brought me to tears, the relationship between Jake and Katie is so unique and beautiful. Those two are so connected. It is so amazing to see and there is an energy that cannot be described. Jake did a medley of songs...I believe there was some Joni, Bob, Janis, and DMB in the mix...such a treat. Jake sang 'We Are', this is a special song as is, and something that holds a lot of meaning and emotion for me. Jake had Stewart Lewis come up to sing the harmony of 'We Are'...at the parts where Stewart sang, we as an audience, sang along...It was so indescribable, the feeling in the room, the sound of all our voices saying, believing that "we are NOT broken" And as soon as Jake heard us all singing along, his face, oh the look on his face was something I have never seen before, it was joy, accomplishment, love, heartache, beauty, real...it was so real."
What a beautiful night, filled with beautiful people and wonderful conversation. We all hung out afterward to just talk, laugh, and just be. I sort of wanted to just watch, to observe how Jake works. How he interacts with people that love and adore him! He handles it all gracefully and so genuinely. He truly is interested and takes in what you give to him. He listens and sees you with his heart. It was so nice to meet all the people that I 'met' through Jake. It made for a night of memories. Sleeping after all this was near next to impossible. I am sure that I caught a few zzz's in there. Sunday morning took Laura and I to Venice Beach, we were going to Santa Monica Pier, but went with Venice. It was really neat to see places that I have only seen in movies. I have never been to LA before this trip. It was a lot of fun. We drove by the high school where 'Grease' was filmed. I felt like a real tourist! Laura and I then met up with Cheri, Brigi, Shelly and Kurt at their hotel, which was beautiful, and waited for Jake. Jake showed up and we were able to spend some low-key time just talking and laughing with one another. Jake was showered with some very lovely gifts and we took it inside for more. Inside we all just talked and laughed. Jake and I shared a few moments and the night had to come to an end for me.
Jake did so much for me emotionally and helped in so many other ways. I don't know if he will ever understand how special he is to me and the place he has in my heart. There are so many words, some that have been spoken, some that cannot be spoken but all are known. This post does no justice to what this weekend meant for me and how I will cherish the moments that reside in my heart, that sustain me in the day to day tasks of living, surviving, fighting and loving. Til next time my friend Jake, til next time.
So many of you may have heard...or not...that I am moving. Yes, once again I am moving to another state...back to Utah.
Laura and I decided on this move about a month ago and can't believe that it is already time to go. I believe it is something that is in the right direction for us. From the time that we made the final decision to move, there has been a theme in our everyday lives...there is a saying that I particularly do not like to say...and at this time doesn't even have to be said for it to be true. It's that lovely saying about "it can't get any worse..." I hesitate to even use it in here, but I am over it. I expect something else to go wrong...that way when it does..I am at least a little more prepared. The last few days, when anything happened it just became comical...we had to just laugh it off or other wise, I think at one point Laura or I may have gone berserk!!
In all seriousness, this time has shown me that I am stronger that I thought(physically and mentally...the jury is still out on emotionally!)I have found that no matter what, you can laugh at the end of the day and simply move on. Yeah, things may have been bad, and the day seems to get worse and worse, and you feel like you will never get out alive. You think there is no way I can do this...I can't take it anymore...the light is always at the end of the tunnel and it may seem like a really long tunnel, but thankfully God has put up "lamp posts" along the way. Friends and family make each step bearable and sometimes brighter. And if you need a flashlight, all you have to do is pray...(I kind of like that analogy...I am pretty clever...)
There are a lot of people that I am going to miss. Of course, my Aunt Judi...she is the best Aunt in the world and I hope that I can be as good as an Aunt as she is...we always had Sunday dinners at her house and I am going to miss that so much. It was always a great time with so much laughter and great food. I am even going to miss Darrell...he is very witty and could sometimes even put Laura in her place...something that rarely happens. I am going to miss Janice. We had some good time...dancing at Silver Spur...BRE! Whoa, BRE was something that I don't think will be topped, but we are going to try! I am going to miss the boys...despite what I say, they are so fun and really loving. Taking care of 4 boys is not an easy task, but you have those moments that make it all worth it. Dylan is so unique and says some of the most random, funny things. I remember I had to borrow 2 bucks from Janice, and she had to borrow it from Dylan...he brought it to Janice and said, "Go buy yourself something nice." He said that with a straight face...Janice and I busted up laughing. Jake is a charmer and a negotiator. This kid could probably sell ice to an Eskimo. He is such a sweetheart and I am really going to miss him. Cole is something else. This kid can make me laugh and smile. He is such a cuddler and I love it! He always has to rub fabric and sucks his thumb when he cuddles. He is really coming into his personality and I can't wait to see him grow. Tyler is a hoot! This kid is so smart and he is so funny. The other day I was trying to get them all ready for the day and trying to get Dylan off to school, Tyler came over to me, stood right in front of me, cocked his head to the side and said, "I love you Aunt B" and then gave me the biggest hug! It was the sweetest thing and I think he sensed that I was getting frustrated. I really am going to miss them all so much. I am going to miss my ward. I have come to love and appreciate the dynamic of Monmouth 2nd Ward. I have been blessed with people who truly reach out and show that extra kindness. A girl names Leanne, from the ward, has become very special to me and I am really sad to say good-bye to her. She understands me and gets me and yet she still loves me. I am so glad that we got to know each other better, and wish we had spent more time together. She did promise to come visit me in Utah...and I will be back to Oregon to visit. It will be good. She has taught me not to give up. Leanne has been such a great example of someone that I know I can be. Her faith is so strong and so whole. I admire her. Her testimony shows in all she does. I am really going to miss her!! I am going to miss Kim and Andreya...oh those two...what a pair! You two keep it real!! fo sho! Sarah is such a sweetheart and I am going to miss laughing about "MJ"!! Ha! Oh and killing spiders in the middle of the night! Sarah has such an innocence and youthful spirit...it may be that she is a lot younger than me...but she is so much fun to be around, and I am sad that I didn't get to know her sister Whitney better. Overall, it is a good ward, and good people to surround yourself with.
So here I am at 6:30 in the morning on the day after packing the U-haul, getting ready for the drive to Utah today and I am wide awake...once I finally fell asleep early this morning I didn't think I would be up til at least 8! I really wanted to leave around 5 this morning, but I would have had maybe 4 hours sleep. So...I got 5 instead! Hooray for that extra hour...I am ready to get going...on the road with Laura is one of the best things I can think of and I am so ready to have FUN! This is going to be an epic road trip...So we should get to Utah late, late tonight. We are staying with my brother Mike and his family. I finally get to meet Max! My newest little nephew. We are unloading our stuff tomorrow and then Saturday morning we are leaving for LA. Jake is having a very special show and so many people are going to be there. I am excited to finally meet Katie! I cannot wait. We will stay in LA for the night and hang our on Sunday. Then we are driving to Temecula and staying with Laura's brother and his family for a week or so...then driving to Arizona to stay with my parents, go through all my boxes there, have Thanksgiving with Jorden, Kayla, my mom and dad, Gerrad, Jeni and Steven. I am hoping that I will get to see my Grandma and Grandpa while I am there. Then headed back to Utah to start working and living. I know that Utah is where we are supposed to be right now and I am getting excited to see family and friends that I haven't seen for a while. It will be great to see Shari and be there for her. I am hoping to reconnect with Jess, Chante, Katie and Cari. It is going to be good. I just know it will be. Well I am going to get going...time to wake up Laura and get on the road...
