ONE MILLION STRONG....

You all already know that I love this man! well, both of them! Jake's music is mostly ballads that are raw and emotional. For me they give me hope and say what I don't have words for. He is incredibly genuine and the music comes from his heart and soul. Obviously you can tell I am very passionate about him. Go to his MySpace and listen to his songs. I would recommend one... Read More specifically to listen to, but I love them all it is hard to choose...although I am really into "We Are" right now. His video for that is on his MySpace page too. Here is the link... http://www.myspace.com/jakewalden
Enjoy and let me know what you think. Matt I haven't meet, but I have heard his songs and they are just as beautiful. They are very soothing and just beautiful. Check them both out. It is worth a few minutes to listen to them. Here is Matt's link...http://www.myspace.com/mattalber


http://www.facebook.com/inbox/readmessage.php?t=1132692411278&f=1&e=-12#/event.php?eid=107432679899&ref=nf

"Hope is the dream of a man awake." --French Proverb

It's been a while since I have written anything on here...or much on my other blog. I have been reflecting a lot lately and have had to make some difficult decisions, well they should have been easy, they were the right things to do, but still I was afraid of the changes and challenges that would be coming my way...I am finally on a path that is moving forward in my life...and it feels good...some moments are scary...but most moments are joyful. I am seeing life with new eyes and a new attitude, and whatever comes my way, I will embrace it, learn from it, and seek what is right. Throughout this past few weeks I have been blessed with many people that have made my life brighter and have given me hope to keep going...hope is a beautiful thing and such a precious gift. I also believe that hope can come in many ways from many people. I have learned and felt hope from those in my life in different ways at different times...sometimes even at the same time. Laura is my rock and my guardian angel. She knows what I am capable of and she makes me see that...it may take her a while for it to get through my thick head, but she doesn't give up. She believes in me and makes me want to be a better person. She gives me hope on a daily basis as I see what she goes through and how she makes her life happy....even with all the stresses that she deals with...she gives me the hope of having the scary moments few and far between with millions of side-splitting, crying induced moments of laughter....we can be as silly as 4 year olds and that is sometimes all you need to make your day brighter...I love Laura and I think that we have a very special relationship. We are family by blood, sisters by heart and most of all best friends of the soul. I wish everyone could experience the way we are together...through the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the silly, the scary, the joy and the pain...Loovveee Yooouuu! :) Recently in my life, I would say in the last year, there have been some new people to my life...most I have felt I have known my whole life...some I have been searching for my whole life without even really knowing it. Most of you know about Jake Walden by now...and if you don't you should. He is amazing. Jake has become such a dear friend. It is amazing how so much of what I feel inside and never knew how to say the words. I think that everyone that has read anything from Jake, heard his music, or been in the same room with him understands what I am talking about. He is a giver of hope to follow your dreams without fear, to be brave and vunerable, to share yourself with others and to BE YOU, and that is is ok to just be you...through Jake I have meet so many others that I am proud to call my friends....

Rock the Space

Stalker Status: Not a stalker!!!

My dear friend Jake has written something that has really touched my life and my heart. Every time I read it, I can’t help but smile and feel more and more hope for growth and opportunity. This man knows me all too well, and in such a short time. Strange how that works, I feel like I have known him my whole life, but I am just discovering the intensity and depth of who he is. Many of you have only seen how I have been trying to spread his name and music on the internet…very few have seen the connection that has been established between the two of us. It is something that I can’t explain fully, because it is something special between the two of us. I have gotten a lot of flak from people about “obsessing about Jake”, but in reality, where I do reside, I understand where they are coming from and the lack of understanding. I am not here to put anyone down or hurt anyone’s feelings, but I just want you to see a little of how Jake and I have made a difference in each other’s lives. And yes I have had a talk with Jake about “me being a stalker” and we have established that we are friends. The reason I try to promote him so much is because he is a new artist, and is just starting out. I believe in him and his talents. His music has so much meaning and makes me think about things. His blogs that he has written have opened my eyes to how he sees the world, and sometimes how I have seen the world. I feel such joy, happiness, hope, inspiration and awe every time I listen to him sing. I want people to feel the same way, I want people to feel what I have felt and know that there is goodness out there in the world, you just have to be willing to search and listen, for it can be so fleeting, and you could miss something amazing. I am always looking for things to better myself and to make me try harder to be who I KNOW I am. Having listened to Jake’s music, I have felt a little of that. Since meeting him, talking with him and being around him, he makes me want to be a better me. His signature advice that he tells to everyone he meets or talks to or even emails, is BE YOU…how simple that can be, but can also be so complex. This is the only life we have and we need to do the best we can with it. We are all in this together, we need each other to survive, if you have something wonderful that you have discovered wouldn’t you want to share that with everyone you know? Wouldn’t you want your best friend or family to feel that also? I have been writing poems for a long time, most of them about the Gospel and not giving up even though we go through hard times. I have not shared them with many, usually with just who they were written for and family. Since meeting Jake I am getting better at sharing them with others. I am also letting myself be more open to inspiration and writing more…scary for me to put myself out there like that, but it is something that I working on…no fear in sharing.

Here is what I wanted to share...it makes me smile and it makes me happy...if only for me...that is good enough. Go and find something that makes you smile and shine!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Thought of the day...like a phantom muscle memory...May 18, 2009 There once was a girl, a woman actually who wrote something, from her heart, from real life, for a time that was, and most of all for herself. There once was a man named Jake, some may say that's me, and he took the step out the door one day, and his feet did not stop moving for a month. The goal, to play music every night, in a different city, with two of his musical heroes and genuine friends, with no money, only a schedule, a car, and lots of stuff. Every day, every night, every moment he was awake in this month, and sometimes even in his dreams...he was PRESENT in his life, for life was showing him so much. And he sang, how he sang, and the people came, and moments were had, and pianos forever banged just so slightly out of tune. He came back, from where he started and took one breath. He slept for 12 hours on a friends floor and woke up with his mind and spirit like a phantom muscle memory of a newly lost limb, still feeling as if he were there. But he wasn't....and yet, it was OK. All he wanted to do was to somehow put to words for any and all who have given him so much to him, to share in what was one of the greatest adventure of this particular man's life. But before all that, before the inadequacy of storytelling could be created he received a letter. The letter was from Brenda, the girl, no woman, who this story is really about. It said, in the way she writes the man when she is nervous to share, " Here it is....thank you so much for everything. Love, Brenda" http://justbrenslife.blogspot.com/2009/05/shine-til-end-for-someone.html This man named Jake, this man, me, is touched, and not in a fleeting way...no, touched in a way that changes you. B R E N D A (spells Brenda) thank YOU for everything, for being our witness and allowing me to know you. Till next time my friend. Love, Jake

Solitude...

this is going to be a really random entry of thoughts...lately I have been writing a lot and this morning I had a "moment" of clarity and a sense of solitude. In this moment of solitude I became less fearful of being me. I was driving this morning...early morning...through the streets and past the businesses that weren't open yet, I did not see a single car, a single sign of life outside of where I was. At first it was intriguing to me and I thought how I felt so totally and completely alone, but a good alone...not the bad alone feeling. I felt solitude, peace, invisible, alive. I felt like I could be me, with no fear, none of the fear of what others might think of me and how I act, in my own life, how I act! I shouldn't be acting, I should just be, be in the moment and living. It was nice to be in this moment with nothing, yet everything, everything in my mind...all that I have learned, felt, the joy, the pain, the memories, oh the memories and how I can recall any one of them, by just a thought...then I thought I don't want to be alone, I started to feel insignificant and wanting life to be around me. I wanted people to interact with, to be with, to laugh and share with. I started to panic a little, not in a bad way, but more of a wondering, waiting, searching for the moment I can breathe normally again...searching for a car, or a light in a business, or even a cat creeping out of the bushes, some sign of SOMEONE other than me....there it is, the car, the human in it, and as I pass by him, I look at him, I mean really look at him, our eyes connect and I smile, he smiles back and I wonder if he, too, had just felt the solitude and peace and longing to be who he is, who he really is, or if he would have even recognized the moment and could take it all in. Then I see another car, and another and lights coming on as businesses are getting ready for the day and it seems that the magic of that moment was lost, or is it? Can I close my eyes and take myself back to moment of solitude, to the peace, the silence of the world? Of course I can...that is the power of the mind, once you feel something, you cannot unfeel it (is unfeel even a word? it is now!) So, why did I write this? It may not make any sense to you, but it was an incredible feeling and I don't know if it is the lack of sleep, or the sense that it is okay to be me and put this out there, or even that I am feeling inspired by my dear friend, Jake (as in Jake Walden...if you don't know who that is yet, maybe you should!), that makes me feel confident in being me, and has made me more aware of how to look at the world with new eyes, with a sense of purpose and awe in all that life gives us. The beauty in each day and in each person, how lucky we are to be in this world, how lucky we are to just be, just be.

I went to the coast the other day with the family and wow, it was beautiful, I wrote something that day..."Sitting here in the warm sun, my eyes closed, feeling the breeze on my face, smelling the salty ocean air and listening to the waves crash against the rocks and along the shore...I feel so blissfully happy and full of joy in my heart and soul. There is something so tranquil and peaceful about the ocean, the sounds of the waves, the view of blue as far as the eye can see and beyond...the warm, grainy sand under my feet and in between my toes, all my senses seem to be alive and more attuned to nature and a bigger picture that I don't quite see...in time I will, my eyes are opened wider and become more observant each day. I have felt the calm and warmth of peacefulness lately in my life, more often and with more gratitude than ever before."

About a week ago, I took Laura to work and when I got home I sat in the silence of the car, closed my eyes and listened to the birds chirping and the muffled sounds of cars driving by...and thought...wow, I AM happy. I asked myself how I had finally felt happy...my mind started to reflect back on things and I pondered how I had gotten to this point. I sat out there for about 20 mins and thought to myself, self..you should go get that big yellow blanket and lay it on the grass and do your homework out here and maybe write a blog entry about reflecting and listen to Jake. I thought what a great idea...I won't have the distraction of the TV, the messy house that is to dark...outside would be perfect. I came in, got everything together and opened the door...it was raining, no real surprise, I do live in Oregon after all. There goes that idea...yet my mind was still reflecting and racing with words I can't seem to write quick enough...but I will write them, my mind has a way of storing an idea and letting it stew til it's ready and then I can put it on paper (or computer) in a matter of minutes. It just flows out perfectly...and only sometimes I edit it to make it more pleasing. I have been writing a lot lately, and I may have a point to this blog, it could go a lot of ways I guess...about how I am happy and how I got here, the amazing power of memories and being able to reflect upon past moments. I could even share somethings I have written, with no fear of course...because, well I don't know really why no fear...I mean I do but I don't. And it is something that I am working on, part of the "new" me.

Here goes...this is for you Jake.

No longer will I let you hold me back
All along I have been strong enough, but you let me doubt myself
You lead me to believe, to believe that I was weak
Thought I needed you, thought I was your world
Tonight I cried my last tear over you, with each drop I break free
These streaks on my face will vanish, for I see it clearly now
I can see it clearly now,
I can see it clearly now

All through the years, thought you treated me right
Everyone kept telling me that you were holding me down
I fought back, defending your intentions for me
Thought you needed me, thought you were my world
Tonight I cried my last tear over you, with each drop I break free
These streaks on my face will vanish, for I see it clearly now
I can see it clearly now
I can see it clearly now

I've struggled with this decision to go my own way
I've finally made up my mind to set myself free
The next time you see me, don't try to hold me
The next time you see me, I will be stronger

One last look in the mirror and you are gone
I see me for me now, no resemblance of who I used to be
I can go on my way having let go of the me I once was
Free from my past and all that held me down, now I am me
Tonight I cried my last tear over you, with this last drop I am free
The streaks on my face are gone, I can see it clearly now
I can finally see it clearly now
I can finally see it clearly now