Let-downish...

Sometimes you have to fall flat on your back in a pit, only to look up and see all that you can accomplish...you see all the people that love you and support you...once you realize this isn't something you can do all alone...you need the others to help lift and raise you to your potential...but YOU have to get up and make the first move...throw your arm up and there will be more than enough hands to help you to your feet...YOU are worth it, and YOU ARE SO LOVED....believe it....I believe in YOU...and no matter how many times you fall, they are still there...just as you are there for them when they have fallen flat on their backs...it's give and take...it's beautiful and magical and breath-taking and real...open your eyes and see them, see me, see yourself at the top...

So They Say It's My Birthday....

 

They say it's my Birthday!! Well it is! What a year this has been. When I started my 30th year, I was surrounded by many friends and family. I was happy. I was living in Oregon, hanging out with my best friend in the world, Laura, and life was good. As I start my 31st year I can say that I am a very lucky person. I have the most amazing people in my life. I have my best friend Laura. I have my family, friends that keep me, not only going, but also smiling everyday. I have been blessed. 

In the few minutes left of my 30th year, I have learned a lesson. I have learned that I KNOW who I am!  I am good...or I am just handling life's little ups and downs better. There are a lot of changes, but they are good. I have faith that it'll all work out if that makes sense?  I keep waiting for the ball to drop and me freak out, but i don't think it is going to happen...I feel really strong and confident in who I am. I am tired of being stressed out or worried about how every little thing is going to affect me. I am just going to take things as they come. Do it all with a smile on my face, a prayer in my heart and love for others. Usually I can't really pin-point when I decide I am changing, or when something major is shifting within me. But I was able to really realize that I AM happy. I just decided to be happy. It is something that I have to maintain and can't let it get routine. It is worth it though. To be able to really take life and enjoy it. To be able to know who you are, to not make any more excuses to the world about who I should be or what I should be doing. 

Part 2

The first day of my 31st year has been a great day. It was a simple day, filled with birthday wishes from friends and family. Laughter, growth, smiles, and love with Laura and Shari. Relaxing and refreshing. Good food and great company. Enlightenment in my life and an understanding of so much. I couldn't have asked for a better day....and it ended on a very special note. One that will forever be in my heart. For I am loved, I have been missed and he reached out To hear his voice speak my name, after it feels like it has been forever. You know. I know. I am excited to see this next year unfold before me and all that is in store...who I will meet, who I will love, how I will grow...possibilities! Hope is what I can give...so please take it...and smile.

 

Faith...Amoung Other Things...

These are a few things that I have done for awhile. I really enjoy taking pictures and edit to how I feel at the time. These are just some of them. I have made them for Jake, friends and just to inspire and encourage myself. Laura made and created the two pictures of myself.

It's Christmas Time....

Today I have finally got the "Christmas Spirit" bug!! I knew it was that time of the year for cheer, and Santa, snowmen, lights, caroling and all that stuff that comes with it....just didn't really feel it...well tonight I found it...it is HERE!!

Sitting here laughing at Laura and Tiffany making a huge mess with their candy making...it is SO fun and I am loving it...just observing and commenting every once in a while...it is great...so I put on some music and it was to "down" for the mood of the night...so I got all my *NSYNC music out...Home For Christmas to be exact...as the first notes of "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" played, I was filled with the joy and happiness of Christmases of the past....ah the memories...

Since moving to Utah, there has been snow and lots of family and friends...starting to feel like the holidays. Thanksgiving I spent with Laura, Mike, Tiffany, Kloey, Max, Jorden, Kayla and some of Mike's friends. It was a fun day...lots of yummy food, laughing and good times.

I have also been able to spend a lot of time with the Browns. The Browns are a special family to me. Shari was my Young Woman leader when I was 13. I babysat her kids when they were so little, Garrek was 1 1/2, Ailli was 10 months. I loved them from the beginning. Jenna came along a couple years later and then Maika and Neleh. I had moved away by the time Maika and Neleh came along, but always stayed in touch with Shari. I have been able to spend SO much time over at their house in the last few weeks. I have been loving every minute of it...I just grin and think how lucky I am to be here with them. The other night we were hanging out, with all that girls, watching tv and the girls were all on Shari's bed...all four lined up...so cute...I was almost in tears with so much happiness. I love being able to help Shari with dinner or cleaning or taking her kids around. I am pretty sure that they are the reason that I was supposed to be here in Utah when we moved here. Being with them fills my heart with so much joy and so much love. I feel closer than ever to them and am so thankful for them in my life. I am thankful that they let me come over and spend so much time with them. They are pretty amazing.

Happy...

I have been feeling so very happy! These are just some things/people that make me happy...I am surprised with all that has gone on in the last few months, with so many transitions and little upsets. I am surprised how at the end of the day, sometimes in the middle of the afternoon...anytime I will realize how happy I really am. I think it is because I have amazing friends, an amazing family and so many moments that I am truly grateful for.  Here are some of them...

Jake Walden...need I say more? Really, this man has brought some amazing moments and blessings into my life. I never thought it was possible to find someone that knows and understands me more than myself at times. Some one who has not known me my whole life, yet knows me and believes in me. I am truly blessed!       

This is Kloey. This girl is a firecracker. She says the cutest things and you never really know what is going to come out of her mouth. She sings and dances so wonderfully. She is a princess and my favorite thing she says is:
Me: "How does Sleeping Beauty wake up?"
Kloey: "When her prince gives her true loves first kiss." So stinkin cute! I love when she calls me Aunt B and when someone says Brenda, she will correct them and tell them my name is Aunt B!! I love you Kloey!!



Maximus! Oh my goodness I LOVE my nephew Max! He just melts my heart the second I hear his little voice, and those eyes just get right to my heart. He has the cutest cheeks ever! Little Max is something else. I love the kid so much. Everytime I see him, his little face lights up and he gets the biggest smile! I know this kid loves me...some of my favorite times with him is just as he is falling asleep and he will reach up and put his hand on my cheek...I fall in love every time! I love you Max!!

Jorden and Kayla...living back in Utah I have the opportunity to hang out with Jorden and Kayla a lot. I love being able to pick up the kids on the weekends and just spend time together. I have missed these kids so much. Jorden is now 10 and is becoming a young man. As much as I would love him to stay the sweet, innocent, little boy that has captured my heart, it is so good to see him growing and becoming a young man. Kayla is 8 and she is still the sassy little girl she has always been. She is becoming a beautiful little lady and I am so happy that I can spend time with her. I love these kids so much and I love being able to see them more often. I look back to when they were babies and remember thinking, what are they going to be like in 10 years...now I know! Time sure has flown by!!

 Laura, my bestie, the one in this world that stands by me through it all. No matter what, we seem to always get back to a place where we have fun and just want to laugh. We have some of the greatest conversations still, and we are always learning and growing. Laura teaches me alot about myself and who I am. She helps me to better myself. I love being around Laura and I am glad that she still puts up with me, even when I don't deserve her.

 The Browns...wow...how do I say how much I am thankful for the Browns in my life, and how happy they make me each day. Shari (the mom) and I go back quite a few years. I started babysitting when the two oldest were just toddlers. Oh those days were so fun, filled with playing outside, playing games inside and watching Aladdin. G loved to watch that movie so much! I loved being over there, sometimes even when I wasn't babysitting.  After a few years the family grew and soon had 5 kids total. Here they are now. I love these kids. They all have really good heads on their shoulders. They have been through a lot in their young lives, but they have been so amazing and have adapted to what life has been thrown at them. These kids have an amazing mom, who is one of the strongest ladies I know. Her faith is something else. I am amazed at how she continues to go and to be as strong as she is. She is an amazing example to me. I love how Laura and I can be over there for hours upon hours and how we can laugh. Many nights of laughter...side-ache, tear-inducing laughter.

So despite all the negativity and hardships we have today, most nights I can go to bed with a smile on my face knowing I am blessed. I don't know how I am so lucky to have these people be apart of my life. I am truly, truly blessed.