"Same Something Different"

I don't know where or how to begin this post...

I am sitting here at almost 4 in the morning, my mind, my heart, my soul are all going 100 miles an hour! Now I know that you all have heard me give praise and have seen my undying admiration of a man named Jake. It has almost been a year since Jake's music has entered my life...almost a year, 9 months...and at this point I feel like I have known Jake for my whole lifetime.

This man, Jake, has done a number on my heart, who I am and who I want to become. I have done posts about Jake in the past, about performances, conversations we have had and documenting some of the journey that this man has taken. This post is the "Same Something Different" It is the same as previous posts, yet it is entirely something different in its' meaning and purpose.

I received a little message from Jake on October 1st. It said...

"You look beautiful in your new picture...I know i have been absent, but this time around, I need your strength as (like the world works) I find myself in deep holes and unsure times....and need that Brenda energy.....Pick a song to sing along to!!!!! Yeah, like in the mic...why not?
love, Jake"

Imagine for a moment how this would make one feel...at first I couldn't breath! I remember where I was and who I was with...and thinking, "me? singing WITH Jake? What??" and then thinking..."sure, why not?"

I don't know how many people know this about me, but I have always loved to sing and I have always loved music. In my church, when we feel it is right, we get a patriarchal blessing. I got mine when I was 13. I don't want to share much about it because it is so special and sacred to me, but to understand why this message meant so much, you have to know a couple things.  The blessing is something to have as you go through your life, a sort of map, but it is not specific, usually. One line from my blessing says..."Learn to sing." Simple, straight to the point and pretty specific if you ask me! I have always had a desire to learn to sing and to sing for people and touch their lives in some way that would have a positive affect on them. I was, and kind of still am, painfully shy. I didn't think it would ever happen. I NEVER thought I would ever sing in front of people that could actually hear me!

To have an opportunity like this was something I had seen only seen in my dreams. I couldn't believe it. The days leading up to Saturday the 3rd, were filled with emotions of happiness, scared, nervous, joy, utter disbelief and a longing to follow through with telling Jake "YES!" Saturday came and it was time to go...many things seemed to delay the trip to Washington, and frustration set it. I was nervous the ENTIRE drive up. My tummy full of butterflies and knots like I have never felt before. Oh and the anticipation of just seeing Jake, let along singing with him, was off the charts.

I drove up with Laura and Janice, ready for a evening of unknowns, the only sure thing was I was going to see Jake.  That brought so much comfort to me and kept me sane!  We finally arrive, after a few close calls and mishaps, but we made it. Cheri's house is amazing and being in the same house with Jake gave me feelings of peace, comfort and love. I could feel the buzz of his energy the moment he walked in the room. He gave hugs! Oh this man gives the best hugs! We were able to sit and chat for a little bit and then we had a little rehearsal. I thought this might actually happen! Sitting up there next to him at the "piano" and trying to sing loud enough into the mic was something else! I had a hard time making my voice audible...but hello, I was going to sing with Jake, a musician, a fantastic artist with a voice like no other...and ME, I was supposed to sing with him! I didn't feel worthy enough, until I could look in Jake's eyes and see the joy on his face. The happiness HE was feeling, to be able to make him smile and give him that energy, was all I needed.  I knew I could do it. I realized it wasn't about me getting up there and singing in front of people, it wasn't about me having the opportunity to sing. It was about Jake doing what he loved. It was about giving back to Jake a fraction of the joy he has given me. It was about Jake. It was about Jake.

The evening progressed beautifully. Jake came out to perform. As he always does, whatever he sings, was something that captivates your whole being. You feel as if it is just you and Jake in the room. I have felt that before, and I know I will feel it again. He sang Neil Young's 'Only Love Can Break Your Heart' What an amazing talent Jake has. He sang a few of the classics...'Too Young', 'Alive and Screaming', 'For Someone', 'Come Along', 'Same Something Different', and a very special performance of 'We Are'. I was able to sing 'We Are' with him, yes I sang loud enough for the people to hear and I sang for Jake. As long as I kept my eyes on Jake, the song was for him. I was nervous, but I enjoyed every minute of it.



Jake finished singing for us and everyone LOVED him. We got to mingle for a while and then Laura, Janice, Karla, Jake and I sat and talked, shared stories, and laughed...such good times. We even tried to teach Jake to line dance! It was a night of laughter, friends, music and love. We talked and danced into the wee hours of the morning. Jake and I were able to share a few quiet moments and talk. Then it was time to go. Jake was exhausted and it was late. Saying goodbye was hard, I must have given him a dozen hugs...some of those hugs were for Rike, Shelly, and Brigi. We drove to Karla's house for the night and I sat and watched the videos and looked at the pictures and started to write.

It was a night that I will never forget. It was a night that I believe deepened the connection Jake and I share. He truly has touched and changed my life in more ways than he will ever comprehend.

Jake, thank you so much for all that you have given me. Thank you for your music, your words, your heart. You have a special light in you and sometimes I see you struggle to let it shine. Let it shine! I cannot believe that only 9 months ago I "found" you, and how much of an influence you are on me. You have given me so much confidence and so much strength. I hope that you know how much you mean to me. In your words, my friend, Be You!
Love me.